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Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was such a prodigy that he began writing symphonies at age five. Also he was the greatest composer ever.
When Mozart wasn’t writing one of his 600 masterpieces he was writing letters to his female cousin, the contents of which were usually in a basic rhyme scheme and seriously screwed up. There are tons of snippets to choose from.He would also send letters to his own mother, who thought it was great fun and would often write him back in the same vein. Much like the above letter and the one running down a shrimp’s back, this vein contained way more poop than you’d expect. One of his letters to his mom included the passage “Yesterday, though, we heard the king of farts/ It smelled as sweet as honey tarts/ While it wasn’t in the strongest of voice/ It still came on as a powerful noise.” Another ended with “I now wish you goodnight, shit in your bed with all your might, sleep with peace on your mind and try to kiss your own behind. […] Oh my ass burns like fire! What on earth is the meaning of this! —— maybe muck wants to come out? yes, yes, muck…”
The same genius that wrote “Piano Concerto No 24 in C Minor” also wrote a gem called “Lick My Ass,” a classical party ballad meant to be sung by six people at a time, and followed it up with a sequel called “Lick My Ass Nice and Clean,” the lyrics of which included:
Lick my ass nicely,
lick it nice and clean,
nice and clean, lick my ass.
That’s a greasy desire,
like the licking of roast meat, my daily activity.
Three will lick more than two,
come on, just try it,
and lick, lick, lick.
Everybody lick his own ass himself.